Friday, December 31, 2010

this may seem crazy

Have you ever seen the 6th sense? Do you remember the scene where the boy is laying on the bed and says something like when the hair on the back of your neck stands up, thats "them"?

Well last night, I had just turned off the light in my room and had laid down to sleep on my side facing the wall. All of a sudden, I felt pressure on my shoulder; it felt like my hair was standing up, but I could still feel a movement of pressure on my shoulder.
I tensed up a bit, but I'm used to these occurrences.
Then, I felt the same strange thing on my cheek, almost like a stroking.
Then, I felt something in my hair, my language is too vague to describe the feeling, but it felt as if someone ran their hands thru my hair.
I just laid there until I had to turn on the light because it was so strange.
I told myself, well, maybe its my dad?...I'm not so sure. I remember praying to God about my Dad, that I thought it strange that he never appeared as a ghost or did anything strange because we always were obsessed with the possibility of the paranormal.
Hmmm..usually I'm terrified of paranormal activity (tehehehe) but I reminded myself of my prayer and sort of smiled.
Does that make me crazy? or gullible?

Thursday, December 30, 2010

portuguese, shmortuguese..rated r-for risky


How can you understand almost all of a language, but can't put words together to speak?
Am i just lazy? oooor american? or ashamed?
I love seeing my family and my friends. I want to be myself, but I feel restricted. I remember a quote from pasley's room that says, "The limits of my language stand for the limits of my world," by Ludwig Wittgenstein. Amazing how true that is.

Tipo assim, it's like this...Quick example/lesson
Take the verb, Ficar
now literally, ficar means to stay
but every language has teenagers, so, entao, every language has juiras, or slang.
Ficar, means the same thing as "talking" in english slang.
Now, when you talk to someone, that could mean talking generally, or kissing, or casually having to buy condoms, and typically being non exclusive, meaning you can do the same with multiple people...ew.
One slip of the tongue with Ficar, if you say Fincar, it means to have somewhat of a hard rough sex.
So if you wanted to say "Ah lets 'talk' " in portuguese, but you added an extra N in there somewhere...ahahhaha then thatd suck for you, or maybe not, depending on your uhh, may i say, harlett-ness.

one more thing before i leave you
I forgot the word, but pussy and stalker is the same word in portuguese.....por que?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

random bit of goodness i found on my computer

Oversleeping is always a good thing.  Because every time I partake in snoozing through my alarm I find that something great always comes of it. Like this non fat mochaccino…I think that’s what they called it.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Thats how I feel today
Ive moved around so much in my life that the road feels like my home.
Thats what I truly miss; being able to start new, start fresh.
I'm in my aunts house in Brazil, and this is where i spent 7 months of my life in complete nostalgia, so of course, that is what I am feeling now. But why? I'm only here for a week.
I am re-reading the giver and its about feeling different, apart, distinct.
Is that how I feel?
not sure...
I think ill stick to nostalgic

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Stumble Upon

I found this while stumbling through the web-ernet. This is by an Unknown Author, and it's absolutely beautiful :)  

I don't know much about her but I'm kind of infatuated with this girl. Or maybe it's the idea of her that I've created. I found myself thinking about her tonight on a walkunder some makeshift constellations struggling through the light pollution of Boston, fleeting thoughts coming and going like New England snowfalls. It's not a lusty, I-want-to-fuck-her kind of deal. I want to hold her close and sing her soft rainstorm melodies and move her in a way that makes her feel unspeakably alive because there's nothing that has touched her to the core like that in a long time. I want to bear my soul to her in the way that symphonies are written, so that at its completion, my story will have completely enveloped her like B minor at the predawn of a snow-covered day, and she'll realize that there is nothing more painfully right than the overlap of the lines on our palms and all the countless intersections of her eyes (beautiful, sun-drenched) and mine.

Monday, December 13, 2010

breath of life

I’m inanimate.
The bitter wind brushes against my flushed cheeks, my cracked lips;
My tangled hair whips across my face,
Distracting me from my task,
Which initiates our first glance.

Do you wander?
Do you wander through the levels of our mind,
Of our existence,
Aware of all outcomes of what we are and what we could be,

The utmost branches atop the tallest trees dance in the wind.
We are still;
Yet deep inside, our souls know what we do not,
And dance to the rhythm of the trees,
I’m alive.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

day in the life

It's 2:16 pm.
I decide that it is about that time to wake up and take a shower. So, that I do. I've recently gotten a new hairstyle thing going on so this was the first day of actually showering and styling my hair myself.

So after getting all hipster-fied, I say, hey, why not. I'm going to go downtown with a book and drink some coffee and maybe take a walk and take some photos.
I open the door. It's pouring the rain. 

I didn't feel like sitting at home all dressed up so I say fuck it and run in the rain which messed up my hair. On top of all that, I hate driving in the rain. It feels like I can't see anything 3 feet in front of my car plus the road downtown is SUPER NARROW and not even my mini honda can go thru. Well it can, but it's nerve racking.

Since there is no starbucks downtown, I decided to go to the-next-best-thing-but-is-way-too-expensive: Port City Jahvaaaaahh. Yes. That is how I pronounce it. Every time.
I walk in and everyone looks up from whatever they are doing/drinking/eating. I get a bit embarrassed reallll easily and my face gets reallll red reallll quick.

The red is shame, not a mustache face-beard.

Being the holidaze, I order a tall pumpkin spice latte and I hear the girl bitch a bit at me under her breath, but mainly, I saw it in her eyes
Laser eyee beammm oh nooooo

Basically I get my coffee sit down open my book and then I am the person no one wants to be around. I sneezed maybe 7 times, couldnt stop coughing, my phone vibrated on end, and my phone rings and I have half an hour conversation with my best friend from home and laughed the entire time. Since nothing else went right in my day, I figured it'd be okay to be a little obnoxious.

Oh, but I did go shopping and bought things for my friends and not for me! yayy holiday spirit!
When leaving, I hit a curb with my front tire/bumper/car. It was sooo scary! :(

Saturday, December 11, 2010

keep things simple
just two words
stay away
avoid him
ignore him

delete him.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

First semester is officially over of my freshman year at UNCW. I have many regrets and many circumstances where I wish things could have gone differently. But what has happened, happened..and thats about all I can say about that now. I have a new semester ahead of me; a few months to figure out the rest of my life before officially declaring a major. Shit's about to get real

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I remember love, but love don't remember me
--andy clockwise