Friday, December 31, 2010

this may seem crazy

Have you ever seen the 6th sense? Do you remember the scene where the boy is laying on the bed and says something like when the hair on the back of your neck stands up, thats "them"?

Well last night, I had just turned off the light in my room and had laid down to sleep on my side facing the wall. All of a sudden, I felt pressure on my shoulder; it felt like my hair was standing up, but I could still feel a movement of pressure on my shoulder.
I tensed up a bit, but I'm used to these occurrences.
Then, I felt the same strange thing on my cheek, almost like a stroking.
Then, I felt something in my hair, my language is too vague to describe the feeling, but it felt as if someone ran their hands thru my hair.
I just laid there until I had to turn on the light because it was so strange.
I told myself, well, maybe its my dad?...I'm not so sure. I remember praying to God about my Dad, that I thought it strange that he never appeared as a ghost or did anything strange because we always were obsessed with the possibility of the paranormal.
Hmmm..usually I'm terrified of paranormal activity (tehehehe) but I reminded myself of my prayer and sort of smiled.
Does that make me crazy? or gullible?

Thursday, December 30, 2010

portuguese, shmortuguese..rated r-for risky


How can you understand almost all of a language, but can't put words together to speak?
Am i just lazy? oooor american? or ashamed?
I love seeing my family and my friends. I want to be myself, but I feel restricted. I remember a quote from pasley's room that says, "The limits of my language stand for the limits of my world," by Ludwig Wittgenstein. Amazing how true that is.

Tipo assim, it's like this...Quick example/lesson
Take the verb, Ficar
now literally, ficar means to stay
but every language has teenagers, so, entao, every language has juiras, or slang.
Ficar, means the same thing as "talking" in english slang.
Now, when you talk to someone, that could mean talking generally, or kissing, or casually having to buy condoms, and typically being non exclusive, meaning you can do the same with multiple people...ew.
One slip of the tongue with Ficar, if you say Fincar, it means to have somewhat of a hard rough sex.
So if you wanted to say "Ah lets 'talk' " in portuguese, but you added an extra N in there somewhere...ahahhaha then thatd suck for you, or maybe not, depending on your uhh, may i say, harlett-ness.

one more thing before i leave you
I forgot the word, but pussy and stalker is the same word in portuguese.....por que?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

random bit of goodness i found on my computer

Oversleeping is always a good thing.  Because every time I partake in snoozing through my alarm I find that something great always comes of it. Like this non fat mochaccino…I think that’s what they called it.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Thats how I feel today
Ive moved around so much in my life that the road feels like my home.
Thats what I truly miss; being able to start new, start fresh.
I'm in my aunts house in Brazil, and this is where i spent 7 months of my life in complete nostalgia, so of course, that is what I am feeling now. But why? I'm only here for a week.
I am re-reading the giver and its about feeling different, apart, distinct.
Is that how I feel?
not sure...
I think ill stick to nostalgic

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Stumble Upon

I found this while stumbling through the web-ernet. This is by an Unknown Author, and it's absolutely beautiful :)  

I don't know much about her but I'm kind of infatuated with this girl. Or maybe it's the idea of her that I've created. I found myself thinking about her tonight on a walkunder some makeshift constellations struggling through the light pollution of Boston, fleeting thoughts coming and going like New England snowfalls. It's not a lusty, I-want-to-fuck-her kind of deal. I want to hold her close and sing her soft rainstorm melodies and move her in a way that makes her feel unspeakably alive because there's nothing that has touched her to the core like that in a long time. I want to bear my soul to her in the way that symphonies are written, so that at its completion, my story will have completely enveloped her like B minor at the predawn of a snow-covered day, and she'll realize that there is nothing more painfully right than the overlap of the lines on our palms and all the countless intersections of her eyes (beautiful, sun-drenched) and mine.

Monday, December 13, 2010

breath of life

I’m inanimate.
The bitter wind brushes against my flushed cheeks, my cracked lips;
My tangled hair whips across my face,
Distracting me from my task,
Which initiates our first glance.

Do you wander?
Do you wander through the levels of our mind,
Of our existence,
Aware of all outcomes of what we are and what we could be,

The utmost branches atop the tallest trees dance in the wind.
We are still;
Yet deep inside, our souls know what we do not,
And dance to the rhythm of the trees,
I’m alive.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

day in the life

It's 2:16 pm.
I decide that it is about that time to wake up and take a shower. So, that I do. I've recently gotten a new hairstyle thing going on so this was the first day of actually showering and styling my hair myself.

So after getting all hipster-fied, I say, hey, why not. I'm going to go downtown with a book and drink some coffee and maybe take a walk and take some photos.
I open the door. It's pouring the rain. 

I didn't feel like sitting at home all dressed up so I say fuck it and run in the rain which messed up my hair. On top of all that, I hate driving in the rain. It feels like I can't see anything 3 feet in front of my car plus the road downtown is SUPER NARROW and not even my mini honda can go thru. Well it can, but it's nerve racking.

Since there is no starbucks downtown, I decided to go to the-next-best-thing-but-is-way-too-expensive: Port City Jahvaaaaahh. Yes. That is how I pronounce it. Every time.
I walk in and everyone looks up from whatever they are doing/drinking/eating. I get a bit embarrassed reallll easily and my face gets reallll red reallll quick.

The red is shame, not a mustache face-beard.

Being the holidaze, I order a tall pumpkin spice latte and I hear the girl bitch a bit at me under her breath, but mainly, I saw it in her eyes
Laser eyee beammm oh nooooo

Basically I get my coffee sit down open my book and then I am the person no one wants to be around. I sneezed maybe 7 times, couldnt stop coughing, my phone vibrated on end, and my phone rings and I have half an hour conversation with my best friend from home and laughed the entire time. Since nothing else went right in my day, I figured it'd be okay to be a little obnoxious.

Oh, but I did go shopping and bought things for my friends and not for me! yayy holiday spirit!
When leaving, I hit a curb with my front tire/bumper/car. It was sooo scary! :(

Saturday, December 11, 2010

keep things simple
just two words
stay away
avoid him
ignore him

delete him.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

First semester is officially over of my freshman year at UNCW. I have many regrets and many circumstances where I wish things could have gone differently. But what has happened, happened..and thats about all I can say about that now. I have a new semester ahead of me; a few months to figure out the rest of my life before officially declaring a major. Shit's about to get real

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I remember love, but love don't remember me
--andy clockwise

Monday, November 29, 2010


There's my sister, and there's me on the right :D

I liked it
so its in my thought book

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Following the traces
Of all the things that’s been misplaced
Or the lack thereof
I wonder what comes of things that’s been lost
Do they end up in the same place? Or are they just tossed,
What about love? hmmm 


I thought that this season was "the most wonderful time of the year?" come, everyone I passed in Wal mart was either screaming at their spoiled child, or arguing with their spouse? I literally saw one woman, she was with her child and husband, grab her purse and said fuck this I'm doing my own thing....? Is that what everything has come to? I thought that all these forced holidays and shopping trips during an economic depression was supposed to bring us togetherrr!!? exactly.

oh. another thought I had...
If people took out stop signs...would there be mass chaos, or would we have the common courtesy to let others go before ourselves?

Just some things that I've been thinking about today.

Oh, and Lost In The Trees, I can't wait to see you Friday ;)
And kettle korn, how I love thee.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Tyler Ramsey

aka, lead guitarist for Band of Horses

played at the Burney Center at UNCW
it was absolutely utterly amazing
euphoric, almost, basically.
what sad lyrics...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


im feeling motivated

the feelings gone
can we restart?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

i need some motivation
some determination
something to get me through these next couple of weeks
i need to stop avoiding my problems
chip through the illusions pretending to be my problems
and reach the source of them
i dont know if i want to search that far in me
i dont know if i can, if im ready for something like that...
i dont know what im talking about anymore
this is from a previous blog but its worth a repeat here,
i need a home in your arms.


youre the good things

"You're The Good Things"

You were right I'm hangin' 'round because
Light and sound won't separate us from them
You were right I'm underground because
Slight of hand won't separate your body from the dirt you're standing on today
You're the good things yeah that's you...
You're the icing on the cake on the table at my wake
You're the extra ton of cash on my sinking life raft
You're the loud sound of fun when I'm trying to sleep
You're the flowers in my house when my allergies come out
You're the good things...
And help's not short when you're diggin' your grave
I'll help you dig it
So you're diggin' your grave now you're speakin' my language I'll help you dig it 

Monday, November 8, 2010


i misshesh my franzz.
even the ones that i dont like...?
being away is rough. everyone is experiencing some different type of stress, different type of everything
when were together,
it all feels normal
it all goes away
all of the nostalgia,
the stress,
the classes,
the distance,
it all feels normal
now that im back in wilmington,
i want that secure feeling.
i miss them.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

im not a fan of this video..but the songs great <3

dear mama ruth

put him back

that is all

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

its been on my mind lately..

does everything happen for a reason?
whats our purpose?
are we meant to be somewhere at some point in time?
what if we are just "lost souls swimming in a fish bowl?"
.....just something to think about


dunnnno why but i love that song

heres another one thats absolutely beautimous

this ones pretty nice as well....

inspired by coldpay-til kingdom come

build me up
dont break me down
my heart it speaks
but cant be found

the waves they crash
upon the shore
the clouds they pass
through my core

i'm running blind
throughout my days
my heart it sees
but the vision it fades
it fades, it fades, it fades

i'm lost for the words that need to be said
like vapor, the words float, within my head
its a matter of time
a matter of time
ohohhh just a matter of time
to fall out
to fall out
to fall out of line
shadows are lurking in every corner
where do i go from here
love cant be found unless first found within thineself
teach me how to love me
to pull me from this misery

shadows are lurking in every corner
no ones got this all figured out
what are we all doing here?
no ones got this all figured out
teach me how to love
and youll be teaching me how to dance

im struggling day in and day out
im craving things i should do without
corruption floats throughout the air
yet all i see are God's figures in the sky

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

the words arent coming out
my feelings arestickingtotheroofofmymouth
my love, my hatred, my pain,
is getting washed away with each breath, hello? is there anyone
living in this flesh?
i'm lost with each step i take
i yearn and search to find
everythings at stake

Monday, November 1, 2010

i cant help but wonder why did he decide to tell me those things?
he cant be interested..thats strange

"for how many nights
must you keep coming back
how much can you lose
til you miss what you lack"--the broken family band

Friday, October 29, 2010

then save it for me baby just made my day.
i love music
i wish i could just travel the world and go to shows for the rest of my life.
that would be nothing short of lovely.
hey, maybe i'd date a band member and then they'd get famous.
you never know.
anything's possible ;)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Death Cab For Cutie

"Tiny Vessels"

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. 
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me [x2] 

stop--the event of something ending

youre no good,
so someone make it stop.
somehow i can't get away,
something wont let me.
dont worry about saying goodbye...
its just over

"If you want to destroy my sweater...Woah-ah-woah-ah-woah.
Hold this thread as I walk away... As I walk away.
Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked.
Lying on the floor, lying on the floor
I've come undone."

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


can you add a little somewhere to me

these words are haunting me..but where did they come from? depression has settled in and i thought it had gone away, thought it would stay away. my heart is bursting through its cage, rapidly and constantly wanting to break free from this place. what good will medication do, what good will getting out and seeing the world do when the world is gray, gloomy, and everyone is drugged. sleep is the only consistent thing in my life, the only thing i look forward to each day. my cars fucked up, my relationships around me, well i'm either grasping too tightly or don't even care, i'm struggling through my classes, and i don't know what to do. the friends from the past feel the same way. This can't be a phase. This is evil that haunts all the unlucky ones who crosses paths of destruction and turmoil. This is the aftermath of being overwhelmed. This is what shit feels like. Please...add a little somewhere to me. anywhere. i need a home in your arms.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

unchained melody//unfinished

a new language was created
when the sun had set
the new language was lost
when you and i first met

the waves are crashing against my ankles
the salt is burning on my skin
the sun is beating across my shoulders
but all i feel is your ........??? word insert?

the world is quiet
the stars stopped blinking
the fish, what fish?
the birds, what birds?
your hand encloses mine

the world is quiet
the stars started blinking
blinking in rhythm with the beat of my heart
blinking in rhythm with the crashing of the waves
blinking in rhythm with the beat of your heart.

the world is quiet
the night is young
the fish follow the currents
the birds follow the fish
and we follow each other
into the crashing of the waves

random quotes of inspiration

"We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears." ~Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart. ~ Van Gogh

You don't need a class to Art Journal. It's a book in which you put yourself in. There are no rules. Just do it. You will find your way.

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up. ~Pearl Buck

Some of the pictures are truly mysterious to me.. which is why I so often say publicly that I don’t know or don’t care what they’re really about. And yet I can also say that the paintings are prayers.~ Susan Rothenberg

"I try to tell students to do the things that come the most naturally, but at the same time do the very thing that you don't know how to do and that you're afraid to do. You should do two things at once: what you do and what you don't do. I think what you do instinctually proceeds from your heart. And what you don't do is what you need to learn with your head. So you need to do both." ~ Amy Sullivan

"No one else but you can make your marks. Listen to your bones. Speak with your spirit. Edit with your head. Live with your heart." ~S.Holland

Monday, May 10, 2010


dont place me on the backburner
i want you by my side
dont place me on the backburner
theres no other need to explain why

if im not your first choice
ill understand
if im not your first choice
ill sink away off in the quicksand

dont place me on the backburner
nothing will ever be the same
if im not your first choice
im not playing in your game

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

GRADUATION is approaching fastttttttttt
i've always been aware of the friends i'd missed but i never thought of the faces i'd never see again. i've been so caught up on my own future and closest friends that i never realized that for the majority, i would NEVER see any of the people that are staying in sparta....I'm so ready to move away from home that i never thought twice on looking back...what if im not ready to say goodbye?
you think after being in school for all these years that someone would have taught us how to say goodbye...
everything happens for a reason.
i need to stay strong. i need to stay strong??
my friends are whats keeping me strong! what am i going to do without them? the people that know me better than i know myself?
i write my worries and complaints here, which helps. but you cant speak cant stop me from doing anything irrational
every little things...gonna be alright---the marley.
"i will do nothing but pay attention to you and kiss you and make every second worth the breath taken."

and just like that, he had my heart in hand once again...but all i could think was, is it okay to fall?

"do i contradict myself? very well, then i contradict myself."
---The walt whitman.
I cant let go...
It feels like a HUGE waste of a year.
I hateeee this feeling.
I hateeee him for making me feel this way
I hateeee him.
When it was over he said, "Babe, don't be upset."
My reply was, "dont call me that anymore."
yeah.that was our goodbye.

"I wasn't in love with him, so why, all of a sudden, did i feel like i couldn't live without him?"
---ellen hopkins

"i never wanted you but i did, its never over but it is."
---landon pigg
dont want to do my english soooo i thought i'd draw
...i seem to have forgotten how to express myself thru drawing.
THats What school does to you---conforms you to a society where you have to
and speak
a certain way
i have forgotten how to act on my own...
We're forced to follow crowds or stand alone on our own.
High School is rough on "individuals."


What if:
  • The sun stops shining
  • i dont pass my classes
  • i dont fall in love
  • i lose my shoes
  • i stop dreaming
  • i never realize who i am

What if the whole point of life is NOT knowing who you are,

It's the journey that is the greatest part of all (jacob.i.brooks)


Has anyone ever said, "I am an individual,"?
Yes..I may be one in my school...but I still get my style and thoughts from people that have already thought or dresserd the way i want/do.
"they" say (who are they?) "be who YOU are, who you wannnnt to be."
How do you figure it out?
What's my calling???

Sunday, January 17, 2010


The words of your heart are always silent
ripples of unheard emotion turned violent
forget about what others may think
because ever-so-slowly they'll make you sink
we'll never be able to change our past
but our future is coming ever-so-fast
pay attention to the words unsaid
your heart knows you better than your head
knowledge is food for your brain
but love is the cure for all ones pain
Toucan Sam always says, "follow your nose wherever it goes"
I prefer to follow the ripples wherever they may flow

Introduction to the aspiring artist/actress/fashion icon

imitation is suicide

im just a sucker for those who can make me laugh
my life is basically lived on the weekends
i took my first breath on march 6 1992
im half brazilian =]
ive been told im different
i hate not knowing what could have been
i like to have things planned
but i also like surprises
surprise me with a hug
a kiss
a poem
a quote
a letter in the mail
something to show that i crossed your mind for a brief instant
I hate being stood up...
i love being center of attention
im embarrassed easily though
i love wearing high heels
when i laugh i usually end up crying
ive come to realize when i'm extremely overflowing with happiness, a few tears come out
i love rumors
but i hate drama
im bilingual
hoping soon to be trilingual
i love to meet new people
im afraid to look people in the eyes while speaking
i guess i believe in the eyes as the window to my soul
i always want the things i cant have
and once i have it, i dont want it as much
i prefer myspace to facebook
but im on facebook more often
im a huge blue monster fan
i love the way things are besides from school and work
i hate indecisive people
mainly because i am one
so never give me options or i'll be deciding forever
i hate overly cocky guys
but i also hate shy guys
i dont really have a certain type
however i am into the whole indie thing
i wish things in life didnt revolve around money
people who show off their money gets on my nerrrvves.
i wish i was taller
i wish i was thinner
something like gisele bundchen
but then again, who doesnt?
im usually never happy with the way i look
it takes me hours to get ready
i speak without words, usually.
music is love
and i love listening to music because the lyrics explain the words i cant say
fashion is crucial
i love when im with MY group of friends
and everything feels exactly how it should be
like this is where im supposed to be
that im on the right path
when im happy, i feel like im home
im usually always scared, always worrying
some things i dont take into consideration,
i dont think before i speak
i say what i want when i want,
without thinking about the consequences
i'd rather sleep during the day then at night
i love dancing to the beat
and offbeat
i love singing at the top of my lungs in my car
social events excite me
i cant wait to get away from sparta.
i'll be attending UNCW in the fall :D
planning to major in film studies
i love to talk about deep philosphical topics
i hate when i lose the people that i love most..
i love popcorn and movie nights with who[m?]ever, whenever
i love to talk
i love rambling, obviously
any form of writing and drawing is like breathing
i use too many commas and fragments in my writing
i hate people who don't use the oxford comma
i dont like driving
i love being lost in the moment and that happens often
Math is the worst thing ever invented
AP english should be taught to all.
i hate regrets
i hate when people revolve their life around some boy
forget the small stuff if he doesnt want you, he wants me.hahaha just joking
and i used to say that smiling is easy when ur upset
but why waste a moment in life faking who you are
i love being who i want to be
i try to be who i am
i try be who i want to be changing
i dont always know who i am
i dont always know who i want to be
and i dont always like who i am
but i have faith that things will turn out the way they should be
ive learned nothing and, simultaneously, everything is worth my tears
if you judge me, i will amaze you by your utter wrongness
what if who im meant to be, is someone that doesnt know who they are?
either way, im just a small town girl
but this small town girl has got big plans on her horizon
remember this face
remember these words
and remember
ill be seeing you =]

Monday, January 11, 2010


Strokes of creativity
Flashes in the sky.
All the questions you cant answer,
The only question I wonder is why.
Each pierce of light within the darkness
Is followed by barren emptiness.
I'm searching for a slip in the pattern
but what if it holds true,
You'll flash in and out, as if on cue?
Stay as long as you please
Stay, because you belong with me.

Sunday, January 10, 2010


i twist
i turn
i beg
i yearn
for a simple explanation
something to solve this complex consternation
the burning lucidity of your gaze
has set my mind afire, dancing in a maze
the touch of your palm upon my face
the path your fingertips incessantly trace
your lips, they search for mine
from my cheek, they follow and are able to find
my own.

random thoughts jotted down

I'm tangled and I'm spinning
from all the currents that I'm wrapped in
Is it just me or was there a connection?
You want me to speak the words I cant?
While you sit back and watch me attempt.
With every word that leaves me breathless.
With every word you deem as careless.
You are my weakness.
I've had it.
I'm through with you.
I miss you, baby.